The aftermath

Today was the aftermath of the "I'm not in love with you anymore" conversation.

We talked this morning. I told him my feelings were hurt. I know it's not about me right now. I know that. I should be able to table my feelings, but I can't. I am no longer angry about it now.

My husband is massively depressed. So much so that taking a shower is a major effort. He has to be "on" at work. He feels no one loves him or cares about him. He feels his family has abandoned him. (In some respects there I think he's right).

He didn't remember saying he wasn't in love with me anymore. When I mentioned "divorce" he went into the bathroom and threw up.

He wants to be happy. It's the first time I've heard him say that. I want to help him do that.

The thought of my marriage ended left me so utterly nauseous I couldn't stand it. I asked him if he wanted to go to marriage counseling. He said no - that it wasn't us - it was him. I'm trying to understand that.

I know he thinks he's weak. But, the fact that he's willing to talk about it and, more importantly, seek help for it - shows me he's actually quite strong.