What the fuck?

Yeah, another "infamous" talk went down tonight. Apparently I'm not the only one to blame for our marital problems. I'm not perfect. At all. Never claimed to be. Is my fuse shorter since having a baby? You bet. Do I have less time for bullshit and hand holding? You bet. I would never claim that I am fault free in our marital problems. But he fucking refuses to admit that the depression is any issue, and that I just want to change him and want a "stepford" husband. He's also now made me feel like I cannot say anything negatively at all. Like I'm supposed to forget the fact that he said horrible shit to me a few months ago, that I don't know what mood I'm going to get. Apparently I need to just suck it up and face my responsibilities for the problem in the marriage. Is this depression? How much thicker can my skin get? How much more shit am I supposed to listen too? I supposed on the plus side after suggesting it for months he has agreed to go to marriage counseling. Not individual counseling mind you. God forbid we work on our depression issues. And, I'm angry about that now too. Not because he's agreed to do it, but because after suggesting it for months he's finally come around. Um, DUH, why the fuck did you think I suggested it months ago. Now we've just been fucking wasting time. I am so fucking furious and angry and again, have no one to talk to, and can't yell at him because well, he's depressed and he wants to know who's fault that is. I tried to explain it's no one's fault. It happens. It's brain chemistry. Not good enough. What the fuck am I supposed to do? He already has trust issues with counselors/therapists,etc. I can only imagine what will happen when he doesn't agree with what they have to say. I don't want may marriage to be over. I don't want my family to break up. I don't want to hold on to the hurt and anger I have been holding on to for months. I'm really starting to not like being home. Is this how marriage is? Am I just learning this after six years? I know it can't all be smooth sailing, but come on. Or is this just what living with someone with depression is?